Right-click your desperate self..

Sometimes I wonder. What we're doing. This post might not make sense at all. Or it might. Who knows? Who cares.

One of THE biggest fitness events in the history of Les Mills is coming up next weekend - SUPER SATURDAY 2013. And I can feel it. The b u z z. And yes, of course I also mean the absolute and utterly buzz of HAPPINESS that comes by getting to dance with lots and lots of happy healthy people in an arena bigger than I could ever imagine! Takes my breath away every time for sure. (Both butterflies and loose bowel movements on the morning of the day I can guarantee.. ;))

But there's another buzz too. And I don't like it. It's the one steaming up from seemingly nowhere. From people close to you and from people far away who will travel over half the world to come to the event in Stockholm next weekend. The buzz questioning my - and evidently their own - way of life, values and diets without even a thought on how that would come across if you'd perhaps say it to a person NOT involved in fitness. "Are you eating THAT so close to Super Saturday??" Zzzzzz... Not even worth a comment. Taking care of my health? Yes. Preparing my best? Yes. Becoming an idiot? No.

It's the buzz called: Please somebody SEE ME..! And for some reason I can't help but thinking about the scene in the animated movie Ferdinand where the bulls go absolutely crazy just in order to get noticed or - as I see it - l o v e d. 

Been there, done that. Oh the feeling of affirmation and acknowledge is a beautiful thing. But you better watch out, it can be decieving. When you're far enough into it you can't see where you came from, and to be honest - do you really have a clue where you want to go?

Maybe I'm losing my way here. I cannot see the light only in other peoples approval or in my strive of being the best, the fittest, the strongest. It's no longer enough. I see my value in other things. Things without status. In being a mom. In spending time with myself. Scary things for a girl brought up on a lifeline of lucky limelight. Oh, and don't get me wrong - I still LOVE it! I just don't crave it..

I'm right-clicking my life and deleting harmful files.

Hashtag: <Create new>

In charge. /Å