There's two sides of every ..one?

I'm at the train. I have wifi. For my regular blog readers you know what this means. Åsa's brain goes into thought frenzie and it all ends up here. But that's ok. What's a blog about anyway? :)

Everyday at the office I'm met by a little blondie as you probably know by now - Sara. She is the one who has to deal with me and with all my moods no matter if the mood at the time is very sociable or n o t. But that's ok. She's one of those people who can sense when it's time to back off and give me some space or when to try and make me laugh or when to go right on and ask a question that might provoke me or wake me up.

And that's more or less how you have to be if you spend a lot of time around me nowadays. Versatile. Cause my world most certainly goes up and down. I feel good and my heart and soul is definitely grateful for everything in my life and for my health right now, but that doesn't mean I still have my downs. And I mean DOWNS. The hardest thing about them is that I can't predict them. I could be on the bus, in the copy room at work, in a class at the gym and boom - there it comes. I fall. Well not literally ;) but that's how I feel. If I can I try to sit down or hold onto something and just breathe. If I'm around people I try and hold back and work through it but if alone what's the point? I just let the tears come. And sometimes I don't even necessarily feel all that sad at the same time, but I just can't stop crying.

The other day on the tram I had a moment like that and I thought to myself "Fuck it, let them pour." So I just sat there with my sad face and sniffling nose and let people stare. (Trust me - they really do.) The guy opposite me looked truly worried after a while so I tried to smile at him, but it probably just looked more like I was doing a funny face cause he just quickly looked away instead. Oh well. But it feels good to cleanse the system. Too bad I always get a bit distant at the same time cause not only did I pass my stop and went 20 minutes in the wrong direction, but I also managed to miss my stop AGAIN on the way back!?! Seriously.. Took me one and a half hour to get home. But the good thing was that once I got home my mood was up again! :)

So what do I wanna say really? I don't know. Well, maybe two things.

1) My friends and family. I would be or have n o t h i n g without you. There is nothing so obvious as how loving people in general are when you are feeling down. I feel the love and support from so many people and bundles of you have offered to help, hug, talk, anything - and I truly appreciate that from the bottom of my heart. I love you all.

2) The second thing I want to say is this: Me on Facebook is - like for many others - for fun interaction, keeping up with friends and use it for marketing myself, my classes and my blog etc. It's all 'gold and green forests' as we say in Swedish. All smiles and happy faces and a bit 'oh my life is soooooo exciting'! And sure at times it is! :) But if you want the real Åsa, you need to read between the lines, which is spelled out here on my blog. There are often just as many shitty days as there are brilliant (even if them too have their charm) and I too hurt and hate and fall and fail. A lot. Just like everyone else. But we get up. And try again.

Now I know this is nothing new and could probably apply to most people, but sometimes I believe some of us look at everyone's "glossy cover" a bit too much and miss the actual content of peoples lives. Which is fine as long as you don't think any less of your own life because of it. Not to compare in a destructive way. No-one has a perfect life. Or, actually everybody does! It goes hand in hand. :)

So Merry Christmas everyone. Put some thought and heart in what you give of yourself to others. And f**k the glossy wrapping.

Have a beautiful day. I'm right now swoosching by a white winterland outside the train window. I'll leave you with something that always always gets my mood up. Ebbe dancing his ass off - in silence.

Happy. /Å